2 Minute Scoop-January 11, 2009

This week’s scoop-

This week President-Elect Barack Obama unveiled his economic stimulus plan aimed at jump-starting the weak US economy. The plan raised eyebrows with a price tag of almost $800 billion. The proposal includes tax cuts, job creation, and increases in public works projects with the hope that it won’t be too late to help. President-Elect Obama warns that doing nothing could cause the recession to linger for years and could lead to double-digit unemployment. In related news, George W. Bush is still President for ten more days. Apparently, when asked to comment on the proposed stimulus plan President Bush could not be found because he was working from his Crawford Ranch for the next ten days. Really this is code for the President is on “vacation” for the next ten days.

This week the Europeans have had an unwelcome vacation from heating oil. The Ukraine has been in dispute with Russia over gas prices, and the EU is paying the price. Over twenty percent of the European Union’s natural gas comes from Russia and the standoff between Russia and the Ukraine has left many searching for alternate ways to keep warm. It has been reported that since the gas shortage began, there has been a spike in the sale of blankets, liquor, and condoms in Europe. This just in…the EU has announced that they are on “vacation” until the gas shortage ends.

Speaking of ways to keep warm, apparently leaders of the Taliban can also be enticed by sex. The CIA recently revealed their latest method of intelligence gathering in Afghanistan, and which has raised more than just eyebrows. The Taliban Warlords have been given Viagra in return for providing the CIA with much needed information. The CIA decided to offer Viagra when intelligence offers began noticing how many wives some of the elderly leaders had to “appease”. They felt that Viagra would be a good enticement because it would be a difficult bribe to trace. That is until they realized that it became difficult to get information out of the warlords because they were always on “vacation”.

It could be safe to assume that all these “vacations” could lead to an increase in pregnancies around the world. Maybe then it is not coincidence that always forward thinking Kevin Federline has announced that he is coming out with a clothing line…for children. It is rumored that the clothing line will be called Otzi and will feature items such as baby wife beaters and blinged up track suits (with crotch snaps for diapers of course). I guess when you are baby-daddy to so many kids, you have to figure out some way to clothe them. All the time K-Fed has to spend working on his designs will keep him out of the recording studios for the next few months. Sounds like we are all getting a much needed vacation.

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