This week’s scoop-
This week Senate officials granted Roland Burris the Illinois Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Barack Obama. Many were surprised at the move because of the opposition Burris faced in previous weeks. The objections were not about Burris as the candidate, but rather about the choice coming from contentious Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. The Governor has been charged with several crimes related to attempting to sell the Senate seat. At the start of the New Year, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that Burris would not be allowed in the Senate because of questions related to the scandal. Luckily for Burris, Reid and the rest of the Senate broke their resolution as do most Americans, by the middle of January. It is reported that the Senators not only confirmed Burris, but did so while eating cheeseburgers, chain smoking, and downing splits of Jack Daniels.
Smoking is not allowed on Commerical US flights anymore, but US Airways flight 1549 still got its share of smoke. The plane left LaGuardia airport on Thursday, and was headed for Charlotte, NC when a strange turn of events took place. Five minutes after take-off, the plane was struck by a large group of Canadian geese that caused the plane’s engines to fail. Luckily for passengers, the pilot of their plane was Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger . Sully is a 58 year old former fighter pilot who thought quick on his feet. He managed to bring the plane safely and gently into the Hudson river with no one harmed. The airline industry was glad to hear about this act of heroism since their New Year’s resolution was to get passengers comfortably to their destinations. I have just been corrected…the airlines’ resolution was just to get passengers to their destinations. Oh well, at least they made it to the middle of January.
One New Yorker who can’t fly anywhere is Bernie Madoff. The former investment guru, who is now being charged with running one of the largest Ponzi schemes in history, is under house arrest. Madoff made headlines again this week, when lawyers for the clients he defrauded tried to have him thrown in jail. Attorneys felt that Madoff had broken the requirements of his house arrest by trying to mail millions of dollars in jewelry and gifts to family members. Apparently, when Madoff was asked about the mailings, he said that he just couldn’t stick to his New Year’s resolution to not be an a**hole. It is rumored that Ann Coulter tried to come to Madoff’s defense by saying she couldn’t stick to that resolution either.
The victim of a crash in Palm Beach County, FL was not as lucky as the US Airways’ passengers. Louise Davidson, 77, was arrested Thursday for leaving the scene of a crime after crashing her car into a man on a scooter. Allegedly, the women hit the man on the scooter and kept driving so she wouldn’t miss her hair appointment. When the woman was asked why she kept going she was almost too distraught to answer because she too had broken her resolutions. Apparently her New Year’s resolutions were to not have blue old lady hair, and to be a better driver. Oh well, there’s always next year. Until then enjoy your cheeseburgers, cigarettes, Jack Daniels, bad flights, being an a**hole, bad hair and bad driving. It sounds like it is going to be a great year!
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
2 Minute Scoop-January 11, 2009
This week’s scoop-
This week President-Elect Barack Obama unveiled his economic stimulus plan aimed at jump-starting the weak US economy. The plan raised eyebrows with a price tag of almost $800 billion. The proposal includes tax cuts, job creation, and increases in public works projects with the hope that it won’t be too late to help. President-Elect Obama warns that doing nothing could cause the recession to linger for years and could lead to double-digit unemployment. In related news, George W. Bush is still President for ten more days. Apparently, when asked to comment on the proposed stimulus plan President Bush could not be found because he was working from his Crawford Ranch for the next ten days. Really this is code for the President is on “vacation” for the next ten days.
This week the Europeans have had an unwelcome vacation from heating oil. The Ukraine has been in dispute with Russia over gas prices, and the EU is paying the price. Over twenty percent of the European Union’s natural gas comes from Russia and the standoff between Russia and the Ukraine has left many searching for alternate ways to keep warm. It has been reported that since the gas shortage began, there has been a spike in the sale of blankets, liquor, and condoms in Europe. This just in…the EU has announced that they are on “vacation” until the gas shortage ends.
Speaking of ways to keep warm, apparently leaders of the Taliban can also be enticed by sex. The CIA recently revealed their latest method of intelligence gathering in Afghanistan, and which has raised more than just eyebrows. The Taliban Warlords have been given Viagra in return for providing the CIA with much needed information. The CIA decided to offer Viagra when intelligence offers began noticing how many wives some of the elderly leaders had to “appease”. They felt that Viagra would be a good enticement because it would be a difficult bribe to trace. That is until they realized that it became difficult to get information out of the warlords because they were always on “vacation”.
It could be safe to assume that all these “vacations” could lead to an increase in pregnancies around the world. Maybe then it is not coincidence that always forward thinking Kevin Federline has announced that he is coming out with a clothing line…for children. It is rumored that the clothing line will be called Otzi and will feature items such as baby wife beaters and blinged up track suits (with crotch snaps for diapers of course). I guess when you are baby-daddy to so many kids, you have to figure out some way to clothe them. All the time K-Fed has to spend working on his designs will keep him out of the recording studios for the next few months. Sounds like we are all getting a much needed vacation.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
This week President-Elect Barack Obama unveiled his economic stimulus plan aimed at jump-starting the weak US economy. The plan raised eyebrows with a price tag of almost $800 billion. The proposal includes tax cuts, job creation, and increases in public works projects with the hope that it won’t be too late to help. President-Elect Obama warns that doing nothing could cause the recession to linger for years and could lead to double-digit unemployment. In related news, George W. Bush is still President for ten more days. Apparently, when asked to comment on the proposed stimulus plan President Bush could not be found because he was working from his Crawford Ranch for the next ten days. Really this is code for the President is on “vacation” for the next ten days.
This week the Europeans have had an unwelcome vacation from heating oil. The Ukraine has been in dispute with Russia over gas prices, and the EU is paying the price. Over twenty percent of the European Union’s natural gas comes from Russia and the standoff between Russia and the Ukraine has left many searching for alternate ways to keep warm. It has been reported that since the gas shortage began, there has been a spike in the sale of blankets, liquor, and condoms in Europe. This just in…the EU has announced that they are on “vacation” until the gas shortage ends.
Speaking of ways to keep warm, apparently leaders of the Taliban can also be enticed by sex. The CIA recently revealed their latest method of intelligence gathering in Afghanistan, and which has raised more than just eyebrows. The Taliban Warlords have been given Viagra in return for providing the CIA with much needed information. The CIA decided to offer Viagra when intelligence offers began noticing how many wives some of the elderly leaders had to “appease”. They felt that Viagra would be a good enticement because it would be a difficult bribe to trace. That is until they realized that it became difficult to get information out of the warlords because they were always on “vacation”.
It could be safe to assume that all these “vacations” could lead to an increase in pregnancies around the world. Maybe then it is not coincidence that always forward thinking Kevin Federline has announced that he is coming out with a clothing line…for children. It is rumored that the clothing line will be called Otzi and will feature items such as baby wife beaters and blinged up track suits (with crotch snaps for diapers of course). I guess when you are baby-daddy to so many kids, you have to figure out some way to clothe them. All the time K-Fed has to spend working on his designs will keep him out of the recording studios for the next few months. Sounds like we are all getting a much needed vacation.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
Monday, January 5, 2009
2 Minute Scoop-January 5, 2009
This week’s scoop-
This week brought in a new year, and with it thoughts of hope, change, and Oprah? That’s right, the talk show queen decided to start the year off by openly talking about her public struggle with weight. Ms. Winfrey decided to tease audiences with the “heavy” details weeks ago with short trailers for her first show of the year. The marketing genius of Oprah was seen when she decided to feature her self-described “fat” picture next to a skinny one from three years ago on the cover of her O magazine. Her loyal following is sure to feel even more connected to her after this series of open talks. Die-hard fans are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Fat Oprah?”, “Oprah IS the big O”, and “Fat Oprah is one of our favorite things”.
Oprah Winfrey has been one of the biggest supporters of President-Elect Barack Obama. Mr. Obama and his family left Oprah’s home city of Chicago this week, and headed for Washington. The Obamas made the transition to D.C. well before the inauguration, to allow their two girls to start school after the winter break. D.C. residents were excited to see the Obamas come to town and said they feel more connected to the President-Elect now that he is there. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Obama?”, “Obama IS the big O (well except for Oprah Winfrey)”, and “President Obama is one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Moving to Washington will not totally distance President-Elect Obama from on-going political scandals. In fact, this week Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Commerce, Bill Richardson, withdrew his name due to questions about campaign donations. The Governor of Obama’s home state of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, made headlines again this week by appointing Roland Burris to fill the US Senate seat made vacant by Barack Obama. Blagojevich made the appointment despite being charged with trying to sell the seat at the end of last year. Illinois residents felt confused by the nomination. Die-hard critics are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in opposition, with slogans like “Got Money? (it could buy you a Senate seat)”, “Blagojevich is the big Oh No You Didn’t”, and “Blago is not one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Finally, in more unusual news a small town in central Maine is considering a business permit request for a topless coffee shop. The new titillating venue would be in a former one story hotel that has been home to several failed restraints and bars over the years. Residents have mixed feelings about the business with many concerned about the crowd the coffee shop would bring in. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support of the business with slogans like “Got Milk?”, “Come here for the big O’s”, and “Boobies are our favorite things”.
This week brought in a new year, and with it thoughts of hope, change, and Oprah? That’s right, the talk show queen decided to start the year off by openly talking about her public struggle with weight. Ms. Winfrey decided to tease audiences with the “heavy” details weeks ago with short trailers for her first show of the year. The marketing genius of Oprah was seen when she decided to feature her self-described “fat” picture next to a skinny one from three years ago on the cover of her O magazine. Her loyal following is sure to feel even more connected to her after this series of open talks. Die-hard fans are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Fat Oprah?”, “Oprah IS the big O”, and “Fat Oprah is one of our favorite things”.
Oprah Winfrey has been one of the biggest supporters of President-Elect Barack Obama. Mr. Obama and his family left Oprah’s home city of Chicago this week, and headed for Washington. The Obamas made the transition to D.C. well before the inauguration, to allow their two girls to start school after the winter break. D.C. residents were excited to see the Obamas come to town and said they feel more connected to the President-Elect now that he is there. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Obama?”, “Obama IS the big O (well except for Oprah Winfrey)”, and “President Obama is one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Moving to Washington will not totally distance President-Elect Obama from on-going political scandals. In fact, this week Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Commerce, Bill Richardson, withdrew his name due to questions about campaign donations. The Governor of Obama’s home state of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, made headlines again this week by appointing Roland Burris to fill the US Senate seat made vacant by Barack Obama. Blagojevich made the appointment despite being charged with trying to sell the seat at the end of last year. Illinois residents felt confused by the nomination. Die-hard critics are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in opposition, with slogans like “Got Money? (it could buy you a Senate seat)”, “Blagojevich is the big Oh No You Didn’t”, and “Blago is not one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Finally, in more unusual news a small town in central Maine is considering a business permit request for a topless coffee shop. The new titillating venue would be in a former one story hotel that has been home to several failed restraints and bars over the years. Residents have mixed feelings about the business with many concerned about the crowd the coffee shop would bring in. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support of the business with slogans like “Got Milk?”, “Come here for the big O’s”, and “Boobies are our favorite things”.
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