Thursday, November 27, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-November 21, 2008
This week's scoop-
Detroit auto executives were the latest to line up in Washington for a handout. GM, Ford, and Chrysler sent their CEOs to make their pleas for a bailout to Congress. GM's Chairman said that without the bailout the company would face certain bankruptcy. When congressional officials asked the executives what guarantee they would have that the money would be spent wisely, in desperation the executives reportedly said that they would pinky swear that things would turn around.
Many taxpayers are outraged by the bailout talks for the automakers. In response to the outcry Congressional leaders are considering putting stipulations on the negotiated aid package. Among the rumored list of requirements would be decreased compensation for executives, negotiations with the UAW to bring down costs, and the mandate to make cars that don't suck. When the beleaguered executives were asked if these guidelines could be met, they said yes, they double pinky swear.
President Elect Barack Obama made a lot of progress in making top appointments to his cabinet. Among those chosen were Tom Daschle who was nominated to be Secretary of Health and Human Services, and Timothy Geithner was nominated to be Secretary of the Treasury. Meanwhile Alaska Governor Sarah Palin also made progress in her cabinet by filling it with $150,000 of Republican funded designer clothing.
In celebrity news, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have managed to get a quick divorce. Many expected the eight-year marriage to take months to come to amicable end. This week in a London courtroom, the couple was granted a divorce within minutes. Unfortunately for Guy Ritchie, this is true to form considering the divorce lasted as long as most of his movies do in theatres.
A Nebraska man left a more lasting impression on his "viewers". The man was arrested for leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of local buildings. Police caught the man dubbed the "butt bandit" in the act on Wednesday morning. He was called the "butt bandit" because he would leave imprints of his groin or butt on windows by first greasing them up with lotion or Vaseline. A local judge recommended that part of his punishment should be clean all of the town's windows…no ifs, ands, or butts.
Finally, officials in Amsterdam have reported that they may have to close as much as one fifth of the city's marijuana clubs because of their proximity to local high schools. Local leaders began to suspect there was a problem when they noticed a spike in potato chip and beef jerky sales in high school vending machines around the time the clubs would open. Asked if they were worried about a backlash among students, they said no and that students would have to find other ways to spend their time. Coincidentally, since talk of the ban began, lotion and Vaseline sales have been on the rise.
Detroit auto executives were the latest to line up in Washington for a handout. GM, Ford, and Chrysler sent their CEOs to make their pleas for a bailout to Congress. GM's Chairman said that without the bailout the company would face certain bankruptcy. When congressional officials asked the executives what guarantee they would have that the money would be spent wisely, in desperation the executives reportedly said that they would pinky swear that things would turn around.
Many taxpayers are outraged by the bailout talks for the automakers. In response to the outcry Congressional leaders are considering putting stipulations on the negotiated aid package. Among the rumored list of requirements would be decreased compensation for executives, negotiations with the UAW to bring down costs, and the mandate to make cars that don't suck. When the beleaguered executives were asked if these guidelines could be met, they said yes, they double pinky swear.
President Elect Barack Obama made a lot of progress in making top appointments to his cabinet. Among those chosen were Tom Daschle who was nominated to be Secretary of Health and Human Services, and Timothy Geithner was nominated to be Secretary of the Treasury. Meanwhile Alaska Governor Sarah Palin also made progress in her cabinet by filling it with $150,000 of Republican funded designer clothing.
In celebrity news, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have managed to get a quick divorce. Many expected the eight-year marriage to take months to come to amicable end. This week in a London courtroom, the couple was granted a divorce within minutes. Unfortunately for Guy Ritchie, this is true to form considering the divorce lasted as long as most of his movies do in theatres.
A Nebraska man left a more lasting impression on his "viewers". The man was arrested for leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of local buildings. Police caught the man dubbed the "butt bandit" in the act on Wednesday morning. He was called the "butt bandit" because he would leave imprints of his groin or butt on windows by first greasing them up with lotion or Vaseline. A local judge recommended that part of his punishment should be clean all of the town's windows…no ifs, ands, or butts.
Finally, officials in Amsterdam have reported that they may have to close as much as one fifth of the city's marijuana clubs because of their proximity to local high schools. Local leaders began to suspect there was a problem when they noticed a spike in potato chip and beef jerky sales in high school vending machines around the time the clubs would open. Asked if they were worried about a backlash among students, they said no and that students would have to find other ways to spend their time. Coincidentally, since talk of the ban began, lotion and Vaseline sales have been on the rise.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-November 15, 2008
For those of you who read it, I am trying out something new. I want to try to cover all types of headlines, not just celebrity gossip. Let me know what you think.
This week's scoop-
The economy was on everyone's mind this week as fears of a global financial crisis worsened. World leaders even met in Washington this weekend to try to work together to come up with solutions. Leaders are doing their best to cooperate and consider all options to ease people's fears. It is rumored that Governor Sarah Palin was trying to capitalize on the political aspect of the event by offering to donate her RNC purchased wardrobe to help out. She also told world leaders that they could save money by shopping at consignment stores like she does in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska.
Another prominent political figure was back in the headlines this week. It was leaked that Senator Hillary Clinton is on the short list of candidates for the Obama Administration's Secretary of State. When asked to comment, reportedly a Clinton spokeswomen said that if Senator Clinton is not chosen she will continue to fight for the position on behalf of her supporters, or until someone makes her stop.
President Bush still has a few months left in office, and it sounds like world leaders are taking the Bush approach to economic strategy. Most agree that the economic summit in Washington would be long on talk, but short on action. When the summit group failed to come up clear recession exit strategy, in the spirit of the Bush doctrine they announced to the press "Mission Accomplished".
Wall Street reflected the uncertainty that most people are feeling about the economy. Investors sent the Dow into another roller coaster week with erratic ups and downs. It was so bad that brokers were actually seen throwing up on the trading floor from motion sickness. Pepto and barf bags will be provided at each trading post next week.
In entertainment news, it was reported that the Dark Knight's box office pull may top 1 billion dollars! Only three other movies in Hollywood history have hit that mark. This just in…news from the global summit…allegedly Sarah Palin is offering to dress up like Batman to save the economy. What a Maverick!
This week's scoop-
The economy was on everyone's mind this week as fears of a global financial crisis worsened. World leaders even met in Washington this weekend to try to work together to come up with solutions. Leaders are doing their best to cooperate and consider all options to ease people's fears. It is rumored that Governor Sarah Palin was trying to capitalize on the political aspect of the event by offering to donate her RNC purchased wardrobe to help out. She also told world leaders that they could save money by shopping at consignment stores like she does in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska.
Another prominent political figure was back in the headlines this week. It was leaked that Senator Hillary Clinton is on the short list of candidates for the Obama Administration's Secretary of State. When asked to comment, reportedly a Clinton spokeswomen said that if Senator Clinton is not chosen she will continue to fight for the position on behalf of her supporters, or until someone makes her stop.
President Bush still has a few months left in office, and it sounds like world leaders are taking the Bush approach to economic strategy. Most agree that the economic summit in Washington would be long on talk, but short on action. When the summit group failed to come up clear recession exit strategy, in the spirit of the Bush doctrine they announced to the press "Mission Accomplished".
Wall Street reflected the uncertainty that most people are feeling about the economy. Investors sent the Dow into another roller coaster week with erratic ups and downs. It was so bad that brokers were actually seen throwing up on the trading floor from motion sickness. Pepto and barf bags will be provided at each trading post next week.
In entertainment news, it was reported that the Dark Knight's box office pull may top 1 billion dollars! Only three other movies in Hollywood history have hit that mark. This just in…news from the global summit…allegedly Sarah Palin is offering to dress up like Batman to save the economy. What a Maverick!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-November 2, 2008
Well everyone the wait is over. Britney Spears has revealed the name of her new album. The mother of two has matured considerably since her last release and decided to have that be reflected in the aptly titled Circus. With songs like "Womanizer" and "Leather and Lace" the album is destined to be a Kentwood, LA family favorite. Spears is rumored to be working on a holiday album titled Stripper Pole Christmas.
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Another teenage mom has raised some eyebrows lately. Ashlee Simpson is still pregnant. Why is this news, well its not really, but it was a slow week in Hollywood. In any case, Simpson has been pregnant for what seems like longer than 9 months. Her "husband" Pete Wentz is eagerly awaiting the baby's arrival. Wentz is reportedly looking forward to teaching his son everything he needs to know about baseball, flat ironing his hair, and putting on eyeliner.
Speaking of fights over eyeliner, two of the Girls Next Door are moving out. Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson have recently ended their relationship with Hugh Hefner and are quickly trying to cash in on the fame the show has brought them. The last girl remaining, Bridget Marquart, is rumored to be moving out as well. The E! Network will probably have to scrap plans for another season of The Girls Next Door. This just in…E! has announced that Hef will star in their new reality show called Dirty Old Man Next Door.
Finally, Keanu Reeves spent part of this week in an LA courtroom. The actor is being sued by a paparazzo for hitting him with his Porsche. The "victim" is asking for $711,974 to cover medical expenses and other punitive damages. Where did this guy find his attorney? I mean who asks for $711,974? Couldn't he have picked a nice round number like oh, a million dollars? This just in…Holly Madison is suing Hugh Hefner for $618,376 for unpaid "wages". Now that's a lot of Viagra!
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Another teenage mom has raised some eyebrows lately. Ashlee Simpson is still pregnant. Why is this news, well its not really, but it was a slow week in Hollywood. In any case, Simpson has been pregnant for what seems like longer than 9 months. Her "husband" Pete Wentz is eagerly awaiting the baby's arrival. Wentz is reportedly looking forward to teaching his son everything he needs to know about baseball, flat ironing his hair, and putting on eyeliner.
Speaking of fights over eyeliner, two of the Girls Next Door are moving out. Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson have recently ended their relationship with Hugh Hefner and are quickly trying to cash in on the fame the show has brought them. The last girl remaining, Bridget Marquart, is rumored to be moving out as well. The E! Network will probably have to scrap plans for another season of The Girls Next Door. This just in…E! has announced that Hef will star in their new reality show called Dirty Old Man Next Door.
Finally, Keanu Reeves spent part of this week in an LA courtroom. The actor is being sued by a paparazzo for hitting him with his Porsche. The "victim" is asking for $711,974 to cover medical expenses and other punitive damages. Where did this guy find his attorney? I mean who asks for $711,974? Couldn't he have picked a nice round number like oh, a million dollars? This just in…Holly Madison is suing Hugh Hefner for $618,376 for unpaid "wages". Now that's a lot of Viagra!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-August 17, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-On Hiatus
I have had such a great time writing my scoop this summer. Now it is time for a break. I hope to start posting again by mid September. There are some exciting changes coming so I hope you come back and check it out!
I have had such a great time writing my scoop this summer. Now it is time for a break. I hope to start posting again by mid September. There are some exciting changes coming so I hope you come back and check it out!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-August 10, 2008
After years of waiting, the Olympics are here in all their Asian glory. The Chinese government wants everything to be perfect for these Olympics going as far as hiring scientists to control the weather. WOW! Can you believe that. For those who have had a sneak peak into the opening ceremonies have said that no detail has been left out to bring China into the forefront of the western world. Forget about great fireworks, spectacular acrobatics, and a 40 billion dollar stadium if they don't have a drunk or stoned celebrity as part of the opening act, then the Chinese don't understand modern Western entertainment.
Speaking of Mathew McConaughey, I always suspected that he had a green thumb. I assumed it turned that way from all the pot he was smoking, but apparently he really is going to try his hand at gardening. It is rumored that the first thing that he is going to plant is his newborn son Levi's leftover placenta. Gross. I thought that was the most disgusting thing Mathew had done until I remembered Mathew's performance in the Wedding Planner.
I don't think we will find Clay Aiken planting his new son's placenta. Of course I think we are all surprised to hear that Clay Aiken is a father. Although I think none of us were surprised to hear that there was no sex involved in the conception of the aforementioned child. Oh Clay, come out of the closet already. What's the worst than could happen, I mean you have already been bitch slapped by Simon Cowell and have been forced to star in Spamalot.
Our other favorite gay American Idol celeb is in the news this week. That's right, Ryan Seacrest made entertainment headlines when it was announced that he will be co-hosting Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve until 2010. Great, like we need to see anymore of Ryan SeaMESS. I mean you can't turn on the TV, radio, or pick up a magazine with him there. If he pimps himself out anymore we will all have to wear a condom just to watch him.
Speaking of Mathew McConaughey, I always suspected that he had a green thumb. I assumed it turned that way from all the pot he was smoking, but apparently he really is going to try his hand at gardening. It is rumored that the first thing that he is going to plant is his newborn son Levi's leftover placenta. Gross. I thought that was the most disgusting thing Mathew had done until I remembered Mathew's performance in the Wedding Planner.
I don't think we will find Clay Aiken planting his new son's placenta. Of course I think we are all surprised to hear that Clay Aiken is a father. Although I think none of us were surprised to hear that there was no sex involved in the conception of the aforementioned child. Oh Clay, come out of the closet already. What's the worst than could happen, I mean you have already been bitch slapped by Simon Cowell and have been forced to star in Spamalot.
Our other favorite gay American Idol celeb is in the news this week. That's right, Ryan Seacrest made entertainment headlines when it was announced that he will be co-hosting Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve until 2010. Great, like we need to see anymore of Ryan SeaMESS. I mean you can't turn on the TV, radio, or pick up a magazine with him there. If he pimps himself out anymore we will all have to wear a condom just to watch him.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-August 3, 2008
It doesn't sound like the stunts in Transformers or Indiana Jones were enough to get Shia Lebouf's adrenaline going. This week Shia performed his own stunts be flipping his car over in an accident this weekend. How did was he able to pull this off you may ask, well apparently all it takes is some high testosterone levels, late night drinking, and a double dare from Harrison Ford. Shia, if I were you I would leave the stunts to the pros and work on coming up with a new name that doesn't sound like a vagina spray.
Hollywood power couples are churning out celeb babies faster than ever. Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell have announced that they too are having twins. What is going on with celebs that is causing them all to have babies en mass. Jlo & Mark, Brangelina, and Julia Roberts are among the celebs that have jumped onto the latest trend of multiple births. Now it has been rumored that Mathew McConaughey has decided that he wants to up the anty with his next offspring by announcing that he will impregnate both of his manfriends, Lance Armstrong and Owen Wilson, with triplets before the end of the summer. Now that's some powerful sperm!
It wouldn't be normal week on the scoop without our favorite tabloid all star Amy Winehouse. Apparently, Amy was rushed to the hospital this week. Her reps say it is because she had a bad reaction to some medication. Since when is crack called a medication? Hey Whitney Houston have you heard the news, crack isn't WHACK, crack is BACK!
Finally, celeb chef Rachael Ray is reported to be launching a new line of premium dog food. The dog food is rumored to be very pet friendly and made with ingredients like a special dog friendly EVOO. According to Ray it is Yum-O, Delish, and all those other stupid, annoying, made up adjectives she uses. Rachael, why would I need to buy your dog food when I can make it myself. I have all your cookbooks!
Hollywood power couples are churning out celeb babies faster than ever. Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell have announced that they too are having twins. What is going on with celebs that is causing them all to have babies en mass. Jlo & Mark, Brangelina, and Julia Roberts are among the celebs that have jumped onto the latest trend of multiple births. Now it has been rumored that Mathew McConaughey has decided that he wants to up the anty with his next offspring by announcing that he will impregnate both of his manfriends, Lance Armstrong and Owen Wilson, with triplets before the end of the summer. Now that's some powerful sperm!
It wouldn't be normal week on the scoop without our favorite tabloid all star Amy Winehouse. Apparently, Amy was rushed to the hospital this week. Her reps say it is because she had a bad reaction to some medication. Since when is crack called a medication? Hey Whitney Houston have you heard the news, crack isn't WHACK, crack is BACK!
Finally, celeb chef Rachael Ray is reported to be launching a new line of premium dog food. The dog food is rumored to be very pet friendly and made with ingredients like a special dog friendly EVOO. According to Ray it is Yum-O, Delish, and all those other stupid, annoying, made up adjectives she uses. Rachael, why would I need to buy your dog food when I can make it myself. I have all your cookbooks!
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