This week’s scoop-
This week, Americans heard President Obama say three words they have not heard in at least eight years from a president, “I screwed up”. President Barack Obama announced this to the media after two of his cabinet nominees had to withdraw because of tax problems. Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services, Tom Daschle, withdrew on Tuesday after tax problems relating to his personal driver put his appointment at risk. President Obama is hoping that since he admitted to making a mistake, he can put the spotlight back on more positive things such as the upcoming stimulus package, what a good looking first family we have, and the fact that our new Vice President hasn’t shot anyone in the face.
Former Microsoft CEO Bill Gates made headlines this week for an unorthodox technique he used to put the spotlight on the malaria epidemic in many third world countries. The billionaire philanthropist unleashed a jar of mosquitoes on an unsuspecting audience attending a technology conference in California. After releasing the mosquitoes, Mr. Gates said ‘Malaria is spread by mosquitoes…I brought some. Here, I’ll let them roam around – there is no reason only poor people should be infected.’ What was unclear to most people who heard this story was why this made headlines. After all, much of Bill Gate’s career has been spent releasing “bugs” to the general population.
The spotlight was on career gold-medalist Michael Phelps this week, after pictures of him smoking weed from a bong were released to the news media. The all-American athlete’s clean cut image took a serious blow after the pictures surfaced. Consequently, the Olympian has been suspended from swimming with the US team for three months, and also lost a lucrative endorsement deal with Kellogs’. Many believe that the Kellogs’ endorsement may only be the first of many endorsement he could lose. On the bright side, it is rumored that the potato chip, blacklight, and incense industries are very interested in offering Phelps endorsement deals.
Finally, it seems as though Phelps isn’t the only one with cannibis problems. A UK milkman was arrested this week on charges of dealing marijuana. Allegedly the delivery man was leaving more than just milk on his customers’ doorsteps. In fact, the 72 year old delivery man said he was only delivering marijuana to elderly customers who were using it to help with aches and pains related to aging. Luckily, he was only sentenced to 36 months of probation for his crimes. This just in…it is rumored that Michael Phelps may be considering an endorsement deal for the UK milk industry.
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Sunday, February 8, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
2 Minute Scoop-February 2, 2009
This week’s scoop-
This week most Americans were gearing up for Super Bowl XLIII. The Arizona Cardinals will be facing the Pittsburgh Steelers in this year’s match up. Traditionally, the Super Bowl is a time when most people set aside what is going on in the world to focus on the true national pastimes of watching sports, eating junk food, and drinking yourself under the sofa. The economic woes put a bit of a damper on some people’s festivities this year. Increased sales of cheaper beer and even cheaper advertising proved to be clear indicators of the state of the economy. MillerCoors decided to combine the two and take cheap advertising to new lows with a one second beer commercial. You may be asking yourself, what could they possibly put in a one second commercial? Well, it is rumored that the commercial will feature a game watcher passed out on the sofa, beer in one hand, hot wings in the other with the caption “BEER GOOD”. Sounds like great advertising to me, and a steal at only $100,000 a second. Who says American companies don’t know how to spend their money wisely.
Although the Super Bowl occupied most people’s thoughts this week, Americans were also very interested in newly elected President Barack Obama’s first full week in office. President Obama spent much of the week undoing much of what his predecessor George W. Bush had put in place. President Obama changed the “jackets required” policy at the White House, put in orders to close “Gitmo” before the end of 2009, and imposed a requirement for all his staff to know how to say the word “nuclear”.
Former President George W. Bush spent his first week back as a civilian at his Crawford Texas Ranch. Although it was where he spent most of his presidency, apparently W was still happy to be back at the “Western White House”. The forty-third President reportedly spent most of his week getting back into the swing of things by cutting down brush, riding his horses, and putting up a big banner in front that said “Mission Accomplished…Mostly”. Former Vice President Dick Chaney was also happy to be back in Texas. He kicked off his first civilian week by lobbying for Halliburton, shooting a friend in the face, and putting himself in charge of the Western White House.
Finally this week, the ongoing corruption scandal regarding Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich took an expected turn. In a unanimous decision the Illinois State Senate voted to impeach the Governor and ban him from ever holding public office in the state. Although this was a surprise to no one, the Governor spent the days before the hearings on a media blitz to try and rescue his position. Apparently the Governor could not be reached for comment after the impeachment hearings because he had decided drown his sorrows in hot sauce at the Philadelphia Chicken Wing Bowl. The Philly Wing Bowl is an annual event where contestants try to down as many chicken wings as possible in 20 minutes. Apparently last year’s winner downed impressive 157 hot wings, but it was no match for the Governor who was rumored to have gulped down an astonishing 203 “nu-cu-lar” wings. Unfortunately, the newly civilian Governor’s win was short lived when he was disqualified an hour after the contest for selling his chicken crown to the highest bidder. When asked to comment he said “MONEY GOOD”.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
This week most Americans were gearing up for Super Bowl XLIII. The Arizona Cardinals will be facing the Pittsburgh Steelers in this year’s match up. Traditionally, the Super Bowl is a time when most people set aside what is going on in the world to focus on the true national pastimes of watching sports, eating junk food, and drinking yourself under the sofa. The economic woes put a bit of a damper on some people’s festivities this year. Increased sales of cheaper beer and even cheaper advertising proved to be clear indicators of the state of the economy. MillerCoors decided to combine the two and take cheap advertising to new lows with a one second beer commercial. You may be asking yourself, what could they possibly put in a one second commercial? Well, it is rumored that the commercial will feature a game watcher passed out on the sofa, beer in one hand, hot wings in the other with the caption “BEER GOOD”. Sounds like great advertising to me, and a steal at only $100,000 a second. Who says American companies don’t know how to spend their money wisely.
Although the Super Bowl occupied most people’s thoughts this week, Americans were also very interested in newly elected President Barack Obama’s first full week in office. President Obama spent much of the week undoing much of what his predecessor George W. Bush had put in place. President Obama changed the “jackets required” policy at the White House, put in orders to close “Gitmo” before the end of 2009, and imposed a requirement for all his staff to know how to say the word “nuclear”.
Former President George W. Bush spent his first week back as a civilian at his Crawford Texas Ranch. Although it was where he spent most of his presidency, apparently W was still happy to be back at the “Western White House”. The forty-third President reportedly spent most of his week getting back into the swing of things by cutting down brush, riding his horses, and putting up a big banner in front that said “Mission Accomplished…Mostly”. Former Vice President Dick Chaney was also happy to be back in Texas. He kicked off his first civilian week by lobbying for Halliburton, shooting a friend in the face, and putting himself in charge of the Western White House.
Finally this week, the ongoing corruption scandal regarding Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich took an expected turn. In a unanimous decision the Illinois State Senate voted to impeach the Governor and ban him from ever holding public office in the state. Although this was a surprise to no one, the Governor spent the days before the hearings on a media blitz to try and rescue his position. Apparently the Governor could not be reached for comment after the impeachment hearings because he had decided drown his sorrows in hot sauce at the Philadelphia Chicken Wing Bowl. The Philly Wing Bowl is an annual event where contestants try to down as many chicken wings as possible in 20 minutes. Apparently last year’s winner downed impressive 157 hot wings, but it was no match for the Governor who was rumored to have gulped down an astonishing 203 “nu-cu-lar” wings. Unfortunately, the newly civilian Governor’s win was short lived when he was disqualified an hour after the contest for selling his chicken crown to the highest bidder. When asked to comment he said “MONEY GOOD”.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
Sunday, January 18, 2009
2 Minute Scoop-January 18, 2009
This week’s scoop-
This week Senate officials granted Roland Burris the Illinois Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Barack Obama. Many were surprised at the move because of the opposition Burris faced in previous weeks. The objections were not about Burris as the candidate, but rather about the choice coming from contentious Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. The Governor has been charged with several crimes related to attempting to sell the Senate seat. At the start of the New Year, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that Burris would not be allowed in the Senate because of questions related to the scandal. Luckily for Burris, Reid and the rest of the Senate broke their resolution as do most Americans, by the middle of January. It is reported that the Senators not only confirmed Burris, but did so while eating cheeseburgers, chain smoking, and downing splits of Jack Daniels.
Smoking is not allowed on Commerical US flights anymore, but US Airways flight 1549 still got its share of smoke. The plane left LaGuardia airport on Thursday, and was headed for Charlotte, NC when a strange turn of events took place. Five minutes after take-off, the plane was struck by a large group of Canadian geese that caused the plane’s engines to fail. Luckily for passengers, the pilot of their plane was Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger . Sully is a 58 year old former fighter pilot who thought quick on his feet. He managed to bring the plane safely and gently into the Hudson river with no one harmed. The airline industry was glad to hear about this act of heroism since their New Year’s resolution was to get passengers comfortably to their destinations. I have just been corrected…the airlines’ resolution was just to get passengers to their destinations. Oh well, at least they made it to the middle of January.
One New Yorker who can’t fly anywhere is Bernie Madoff. The former investment guru, who is now being charged with running one of the largest Ponzi schemes in history, is under house arrest. Madoff made headlines again this week, when lawyers for the clients he defrauded tried to have him thrown in jail. Attorneys felt that Madoff had broken the requirements of his house arrest by trying to mail millions of dollars in jewelry and gifts to family members. Apparently, when Madoff was asked about the mailings, he said that he just couldn’t stick to his New Year’s resolution to not be an a**hole. It is rumored that Ann Coulter tried to come to Madoff’s defense by saying she couldn’t stick to that resolution either.
The victim of a crash in Palm Beach County, FL was not as lucky as the US Airways’ passengers. Louise Davidson, 77, was arrested Thursday for leaving the scene of a crime after crashing her car into a man on a scooter. Allegedly, the women hit the man on the scooter and kept driving so she wouldn’t miss her hair appointment. When the woman was asked why she kept going she was almost too distraught to answer because she too had broken her resolutions. Apparently her New Year’s resolutions were to not have blue old lady hair, and to be a better driver. Oh well, there’s always next year. Until then enjoy your cheeseburgers, cigarettes, Jack Daniels, bad flights, being an a**hole, bad hair and bad driving. It sounds like it is going to be a great year!
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
This week Senate officials granted Roland Burris the Illinois Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Barack Obama. Many were surprised at the move because of the opposition Burris faced in previous weeks. The objections were not about Burris as the candidate, but rather about the choice coming from contentious Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. The Governor has been charged with several crimes related to attempting to sell the Senate seat. At the start of the New Year, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that Burris would not be allowed in the Senate because of questions related to the scandal. Luckily for Burris, Reid and the rest of the Senate broke their resolution as do most Americans, by the middle of January. It is reported that the Senators not only confirmed Burris, but did so while eating cheeseburgers, chain smoking, and downing splits of Jack Daniels.
Smoking is not allowed on Commerical US flights anymore, but US Airways flight 1549 still got its share of smoke. The plane left LaGuardia airport on Thursday, and was headed for Charlotte, NC when a strange turn of events took place. Five minutes after take-off, the plane was struck by a large group of Canadian geese that caused the plane’s engines to fail. Luckily for passengers, the pilot of their plane was Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger . Sully is a 58 year old former fighter pilot who thought quick on his feet. He managed to bring the plane safely and gently into the Hudson river with no one harmed. The airline industry was glad to hear about this act of heroism since their New Year’s resolution was to get passengers comfortably to their destinations. I have just been corrected…the airlines’ resolution was just to get passengers to their destinations. Oh well, at least they made it to the middle of January.
One New Yorker who can’t fly anywhere is Bernie Madoff. The former investment guru, who is now being charged with running one of the largest Ponzi schemes in history, is under house arrest. Madoff made headlines again this week, when lawyers for the clients he defrauded tried to have him thrown in jail. Attorneys felt that Madoff had broken the requirements of his house arrest by trying to mail millions of dollars in jewelry and gifts to family members. Apparently, when Madoff was asked about the mailings, he said that he just couldn’t stick to his New Year’s resolution to not be an a**hole. It is rumored that Ann Coulter tried to come to Madoff’s defense by saying she couldn’t stick to that resolution either.
The victim of a crash in Palm Beach County, FL was not as lucky as the US Airways’ passengers. Louise Davidson, 77, was arrested Thursday for leaving the scene of a crime after crashing her car into a man on a scooter. Allegedly, the women hit the man on the scooter and kept driving so she wouldn’t miss her hair appointment. When the woman was asked why she kept going she was almost too distraught to answer because she too had broken her resolutions. Apparently her New Year’s resolutions were to not have blue old lady hair, and to be a better driver. Oh well, there’s always next year. Until then enjoy your cheeseburgers, cigarettes, Jack Daniels, bad flights, being an a**hole, bad hair and bad driving. It sounds like it is going to be a great year!
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
Sunday, January 11, 2009
2 Minute Scoop-January 11, 2009
This week’s scoop-
This week President-Elect Barack Obama unveiled his economic stimulus plan aimed at jump-starting the weak US economy. The plan raised eyebrows with a price tag of almost $800 billion. The proposal includes tax cuts, job creation, and increases in public works projects with the hope that it won’t be too late to help. President-Elect Obama warns that doing nothing could cause the recession to linger for years and could lead to double-digit unemployment. In related news, George W. Bush is still President for ten more days. Apparently, when asked to comment on the proposed stimulus plan President Bush could not be found because he was working from his Crawford Ranch for the next ten days. Really this is code for the President is on “vacation” for the next ten days.
This week the Europeans have had an unwelcome vacation from heating oil. The Ukraine has been in dispute with Russia over gas prices, and the EU is paying the price. Over twenty percent of the European Union’s natural gas comes from Russia and the standoff between Russia and the Ukraine has left many searching for alternate ways to keep warm. It has been reported that since the gas shortage began, there has been a spike in the sale of blankets, liquor, and condoms in Europe. This just in…the EU has announced that they are on “vacation” until the gas shortage ends.
Speaking of ways to keep warm, apparently leaders of the Taliban can also be enticed by sex. The CIA recently revealed their latest method of intelligence gathering in Afghanistan, and which has raised more than just eyebrows. The Taliban Warlords have been given Viagra in return for providing the CIA with much needed information. The CIA decided to offer Viagra when intelligence offers began noticing how many wives some of the elderly leaders had to “appease”. They felt that Viagra would be a good enticement because it would be a difficult bribe to trace. That is until they realized that it became difficult to get information out of the warlords because they were always on “vacation”.
It could be safe to assume that all these “vacations” could lead to an increase in pregnancies around the world. Maybe then it is not coincidence that always forward thinking Kevin Federline has announced that he is coming out with a clothing line…for children. It is rumored that the clothing line will be called Otzi and will feature items such as baby wife beaters and blinged up track suits (with crotch snaps for diapers of course). I guess when you are baby-daddy to so many kids, you have to figure out some way to clothe them. All the time K-Fed has to spend working on his designs will keep him out of the recording studios for the next few months. Sounds like we are all getting a much needed vacation.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
This week President-Elect Barack Obama unveiled his economic stimulus plan aimed at jump-starting the weak US economy. The plan raised eyebrows with a price tag of almost $800 billion. The proposal includes tax cuts, job creation, and increases in public works projects with the hope that it won’t be too late to help. President-Elect Obama warns that doing nothing could cause the recession to linger for years and could lead to double-digit unemployment. In related news, George W. Bush is still President for ten more days. Apparently, when asked to comment on the proposed stimulus plan President Bush could not be found because he was working from his Crawford Ranch for the next ten days. Really this is code for the President is on “vacation” for the next ten days.
This week the Europeans have had an unwelcome vacation from heating oil. The Ukraine has been in dispute with Russia over gas prices, and the EU is paying the price. Over twenty percent of the European Union’s natural gas comes from Russia and the standoff between Russia and the Ukraine has left many searching for alternate ways to keep warm. It has been reported that since the gas shortage began, there has been a spike in the sale of blankets, liquor, and condoms in Europe. This just in…the EU has announced that they are on “vacation” until the gas shortage ends.
Speaking of ways to keep warm, apparently leaders of the Taliban can also be enticed by sex. The CIA recently revealed their latest method of intelligence gathering in Afghanistan, and which has raised more than just eyebrows. The Taliban Warlords have been given Viagra in return for providing the CIA with much needed information. The CIA decided to offer Viagra when intelligence offers began noticing how many wives some of the elderly leaders had to “appease”. They felt that Viagra would be a good enticement because it would be a difficult bribe to trace. That is until they realized that it became difficult to get information out of the warlords because they were always on “vacation”.
It could be safe to assume that all these “vacations” could lead to an increase in pregnancies around the world. Maybe then it is not coincidence that always forward thinking Kevin Federline has announced that he is coming out with a clothing line…for children. It is rumored that the clothing line will be called Otzi and will feature items such as baby wife beaters and blinged up track suits (with crotch snaps for diapers of course). I guess when you are baby-daddy to so many kids, you have to figure out some way to clothe them. All the time K-Fed has to spend working on his designs will keep him out of the recording studios for the next few months. Sounds like we are all getting a much needed vacation.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
***If you like reading the SCOOP, please tell your friends***
Monday, January 5, 2009
2 Minute Scoop-January 5, 2009
This week’s scoop-
This week brought in a new year, and with it thoughts of hope, change, and Oprah? That’s right, the talk show queen decided to start the year off by openly talking about her public struggle with weight. Ms. Winfrey decided to tease audiences with the “heavy” details weeks ago with short trailers for her first show of the year. The marketing genius of Oprah was seen when she decided to feature her self-described “fat” picture next to a skinny one from three years ago on the cover of her O magazine. Her loyal following is sure to feel even more connected to her after this series of open talks. Die-hard fans are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Fat Oprah?”, “Oprah IS the big O”, and “Fat Oprah is one of our favorite things”.
Oprah Winfrey has been one of the biggest supporters of President-Elect Barack Obama. Mr. Obama and his family left Oprah’s home city of Chicago this week, and headed for Washington. The Obamas made the transition to D.C. well before the inauguration, to allow their two girls to start school after the winter break. D.C. residents were excited to see the Obamas come to town and said they feel more connected to the President-Elect now that he is there. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Obama?”, “Obama IS the big O (well except for Oprah Winfrey)”, and “President Obama is one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Moving to Washington will not totally distance President-Elect Obama from on-going political scandals. In fact, this week Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Commerce, Bill Richardson, withdrew his name due to questions about campaign donations. The Governor of Obama’s home state of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, made headlines again this week by appointing Roland Burris to fill the US Senate seat made vacant by Barack Obama. Blagojevich made the appointment despite being charged with trying to sell the seat at the end of last year. Illinois residents felt confused by the nomination. Die-hard critics are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in opposition, with slogans like “Got Money? (it could buy you a Senate seat)”, “Blagojevich is the big Oh No You Didn’t”, and “Blago is not one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Finally, in more unusual news a small town in central Maine is considering a business permit request for a topless coffee shop. The new titillating venue would be in a former one story hotel that has been home to several failed restraints and bars over the years. Residents have mixed feelings about the business with many concerned about the crowd the coffee shop would bring in. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support of the business with slogans like “Got Milk?”, “Come here for the big O’s”, and “Boobies are our favorite things”.
This week brought in a new year, and with it thoughts of hope, change, and Oprah? That’s right, the talk show queen decided to start the year off by openly talking about her public struggle with weight. Ms. Winfrey decided to tease audiences with the “heavy” details weeks ago with short trailers for her first show of the year. The marketing genius of Oprah was seen when she decided to feature her self-described “fat” picture next to a skinny one from three years ago on the cover of her O magazine. Her loyal following is sure to feel even more connected to her after this series of open talks. Die-hard fans are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Fat Oprah?”, “Oprah IS the big O”, and “Fat Oprah is one of our favorite things”.
Oprah Winfrey has been one of the biggest supporters of President-Elect Barack Obama. Mr. Obama and his family left Oprah’s home city of Chicago this week, and headed for Washington. The Obamas made the transition to D.C. well before the inauguration, to allow their two girls to start school after the winter break. D.C. residents were excited to see the Obamas come to town and said they feel more connected to the President-Elect now that he is there. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support, with slogans like “Got Obama?”, “Obama IS the big O (well except for Oprah Winfrey)”, and “President Obama is one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Moving to Washington will not totally distance President-Elect Obama from on-going political scandals. In fact, this week Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Commerce, Bill Richardson, withdrew his name due to questions about campaign donations. The Governor of Obama’s home state of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, made headlines again this week by appointing Roland Burris to fill the US Senate seat made vacant by Barack Obama. Blagojevich made the appointment despite being charged with trying to sell the seat at the end of last year. Illinois residents felt confused by the nomination. Die-hard critics are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in opposition, with slogans like “Got Money? (it could buy you a Senate seat)”, “Blagojevich is the big Oh No You Didn’t”, and “Blago is not one of Oprah’s favorite things”.
Finally, in more unusual news a small town in central Maine is considering a business permit request for a topless coffee shop. The new titillating venue would be in a former one story hotel that has been home to several failed restraints and bars over the years. Residents have mixed feelings about the business with many concerned about the crowd the coffee shop would bring in. Die-hard supporters are reportedly wearing homemade T-shirts in support of the business with slogans like “Got Milk?”, “Come here for the big O’s”, and “Boobies are our favorite things”.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-December 27, 2008
This week’s scoop-
The weather made headlines again this week as weary holiday travelers found themselves stuck at airports across the nation. Heavy snow, sleet, and ice left people who were trying to make it home for the holidays jammed into airports as hundreds of flights were delayed or cancelled. Many who were sleep deprived made makeshift beds out of luggage and airport chairs to try and get some sleep in between flights. Others were so hungry they considered eating airline food, but most were smart enough to eat their luggage and airport chairs instead. When asked for comment on the unusual meal choices all one passenger had to say was “you say po-tay-to…I say po-tah-to.”
Now that Christmas is over, retailers are trying to desperately to turn a profit by using unorthodox methods to get people to spend money. Even local governments are scrambling to come up with ideas to make it through these tough times. Some states are considering selling or leasing assets such as local parks, bridges, and lotteries to raise needed cash. For example, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is considering privatizing their state lottery, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is rumored to be considering selling her wardrobe, and Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is rumored to be selling a Senate seat…oh wait, that is so he could raise some cash. Potato…potato.
Speaking of Governor Blagojevich, his refusal to resign is causing confusion in Illinois. The Governor has continued to go to work, sign legislation, and issue pardons, despite being charged on several criminal counts. It is unclear as to whether the Governor has the authority to continue working as Governor while he is under investigation. Many feel that if he is impeached, most of the things he has worked on will face a great deal of scrutiny. For example, supposedly he is working on setting up fines for those who mispronounce his name. Governor Blagojevich was also rumored to be working on a law to pardon Governors who try and sell United State Senate seats. When asked for comment on whether these items were ethical, all he had to say was Potato…potato.
Finally, a woman in Irvine California bought a box of crackers with $10,000 in it. Debra Rogoff bought a box of Annie’s Sour Cream and Onion Cheddar Bunny from a local Whole Foods, and opened it to find an envelope full of crisp one hundred dollar bills. The Rogoff family knew this was someone else’s money and immediately called police to report their finding. The Rogoff’s were correct. Apparently, an unidentified Lake Forest, CA women decided that the cracker box would be a safer place to put her money than a bank. She then mistakenly returned the box to the store and thought she had lost her life savings. Coincidentally a Utah women made the same mistake, only she put her life savings in a bag of potatoes. When asked to comment on why she didn’t use a bank she said…well I think you all know.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
The weather made headlines again this week as weary holiday travelers found themselves stuck at airports across the nation. Heavy snow, sleet, and ice left people who were trying to make it home for the holidays jammed into airports as hundreds of flights were delayed or cancelled. Many who were sleep deprived made makeshift beds out of luggage and airport chairs to try and get some sleep in between flights. Others were so hungry they considered eating airline food, but most were smart enough to eat their luggage and airport chairs instead. When asked for comment on the unusual meal choices all one passenger had to say was “you say po-tay-to…I say po-tah-to.”
Now that Christmas is over, retailers are trying to desperately to turn a profit by using unorthodox methods to get people to spend money. Even local governments are scrambling to come up with ideas to make it through these tough times. Some states are considering selling or leasing assets such as local parks, bridges, and lotteries to raise needed cash. For example, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is considering privatizing their state lottery, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is rumored to be considering selling her wardrobe, and Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is rumored to be selling a Senate seat…oh wait, that is so he could raise some cash. Potato…potato.
Speaking of Governor Blagojevich, his refusal to resign is causing confusion in Illinois. The Governor has continued to go to work, sign legislation, and issue pardons, despite being charged on several criminal counts. It is unclear as to whether the Governor has the authority to continue working as Governor while he is under investigation. Many feel that if he is impeached, most of the things he has worked on will face a great deal of scrutiny. For example, supposedly he is working on setting up fines for those who mispronounce his name. Governor Blagojevich was also rumored to be working on a law to pardon Governors who try and sell United State Senate seats. When asked for comment on whether these items were ethical, all he had to say was Potato…potato.
Finally, a woman in Irvine California bought a box of crackers with $10,000 in it. Debra Rogoff bought a box of Annie’s Sour Cream and Onion Cheddar Bunny from a local Whole Foods, and opened it to find an envelope full of crisp one hundred dollar bills. The Rogoff family knew this was someone else’s money and immediately called police to report their finding. The Rogoff’s were correct. Apparently, an unidentified Lake Forest, CA women decided that the cracker box would be a safer place to put her money than a bank. She then mistakenly returned the box to the store and thought she had lost her life savings. Coincidentally a Utah women made the same mistake, only she put her life savings in a bag of potatoes. When asked to comment on why she didn’t use a bank she said…well I think you all know.
http://2minutescoop.blogspot.com/
Saturday, December 20, 2008
This week’s scoop-
Most of the nation has been hit hard this week with harsh winter weather not usually seen until later in the season. Cities in the Midwest and the Northeast came to a screeching halt when snow and ice knocked out power lines and affected roadways. Even Las Vegas received the worst snowfall in three decades. The weather forced topless dancers to go on stage with thermal pasties and fur lined g-strings. The 3.6 inch snowfall even shut down the airport prompting the Las Vegas visitors’ bureau to temporarily change their slogan to “What happens in Vegas will make you stay in Vegas, no really”.
The miserable weather only added to the problems retailers are facing this holiday season. Consumer spending is reported to be sharply down this year forcing merchants to take drastic measures to make up for slumping sales. Many stores have extended shopping hours and have offered deep discounts to spur sales. Reportedly some department stores are giving away the fragrance Heiress by Paris Hilton to attract shoppers. Actually, it turns out they are just giving it away because no one in their right mind would want to buy it. This just in…retailers are giving away the new fragrance Believe by Britney Spears, Inspire by Christina Aguilerra, and all the other tabloid darling perfumes. All, that is, except for Jessica Simpson’s Fancy because…well who doesn’t want to smell Fancy sometimes.
Speaking of fancy, Wall Street won’t have anything of the kind this bonus season. Most firms have slashed payouts as well as jobs leading many to feel less than merry this holiday season. Credit Suisse has even announced a plan to pay out bonuses from their bad debts, employing what they feel is a fair risk reward strategy. Some are speculating that other industries will follow suit in order to placate investors. In fact, it has been leaked that Kraft Foods is toying with the idea of paying out bonuses with mayonnaise and blue cheese dressing (not the low-fact kind mind you), and Tyson Foods may be paying out bonuses in chicken wings. Apparently, the executives of the two companies plan to have one hell of a Super Bowl party to celebrate!
In more unusual news, nuns who own a New York City apartment filed a lawsuit against the tenants of one of their apartment buildings, stating they are stinking up their building. The nuns say that the horrible food and other smells were similar to that of vomit or rotten meat. Apparently, when police investigated the complaint, they only found executives from Kraft and Tyson foods, who had coincidentally been wearing their surprise bonus of Jessica Simpson’s Fancy, indulging in their Christmas bonuses. Now that’s what I call a party! Happy Holidays from the Scoop!
Most of the nation has been hit hard this week with harsh winter weather not usually seen until later in the season. Cities in the Midwest and the Northeast came to a screeching halt when snow and ice knocked out power lines and affected roadways. Even Las Vegas received the worst snowfall in three decades. The weather forced topless dancers to go on stage with thermal pasties and fur lined g-strings. The 3.6 inch snowfall even shut down the airport prompting the Las Vegas visitors’ bureau to temporarily change their slogan to “What happens in Vegas will make you stay in Vegas, no really”.
The miserable weather only added to the problems retailers are facing this holiday season. Consumer spending is reported to be sharply down this year forcing merchants to take drastic measures to make up for slumping sales. Many stores have extended shopping hours and have offered deep discounts to spur sales. Reportedly some department stores are giving away the fragrance Heiress by Paris Hilton to attract shoppers. Actually, it turns out they are just giving it away because no one in their right mind would want to buy it. This just in…retailers are giving away the new fragrance Believe by Britney Spears, Inspire by Christina Aguilerra, and all the other tabloid darling perfumes. All, that is, except for Jessica Simpson’s Fancy because…well who doesn’t want to smell Fancy sometimes.
Speaking of fancy, Wall Street won’t have anything of the kind this bonus season. Most firms have slashed payouts as well as jobs leading many to feel less than merry this holiday season. Credit Suisse has even announced a plan to pay out bonuses from their bad debts, employing what they feel is a fair risk reward strategy. Some are speculating that other industries will follow suit in order to placate investors. In fact, it has been leaked that Kraft Foods is toying with the idea of paying out bonuses with mayonnaise and blue cheese dressing (not the low-fact kind mind you), and Tyson Foods may be paying out bonuses in chicken wings. Apparently, the executives of the two companies plan to have one hell of a Super Bowl party to celebrate!
In more unusual news, nuns who own a New York City apartment filed a lawsuit against the tenants of one of their apartment buildings, stating they are stinking up their building. The nuns say that the horrible food and other smells were similar to that of vomit or rotten meat. Apparently, when police investigated the complaint, they only found executives from Kraft and Tyson foods, who had coincidentally been wearing their surprise bonus of Jessica Simpson’s Fancy, indulging in their Christmas bonuses. Now that’s what I call a party! Happy Holidays from the Scoop!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-December 14, 2008
This week’s scoop-
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested this week on corruption charges. Specifically, Blagojevich was accused of trying to make a profit from President-Elect Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat. U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald has been following the Governor’s dealings for some time now, suspecting him of participating in fraud. His suspicions were confirmed in wire-taps of the Governor’s phone calls, where Blagojevich blatantly asked for money and favors in return for the Senate seat. If convicted Governor Blagojevich could face up to 30 years in prison, but the greater punishment will be 30 years without hairspray for his comb-over.
The pay for play scheme has outraged Illinois residents. Blagojevich continues in the footsteps of a long line of Illinois Governors that have been faced with corruption charges. In fact, he is the fourth consecutive Illinois Governor that has been accused. It is so bad that Illinois’ legislators have decided to make mug shots and fingerprints part of the inaugural ceremony.
The Illinois scandal has taken the spotlight away from what may be the largest investment fraud in U.S. history. Investment guru Bernie Madoff confessed to running a Ponzi scheme, with losses estimated over $50 billion. Although some are shaken by fraud, others said there were plenty of red flags that should have tipped off investors. Suspicious activity included paper statements, lack of auditing, and payouts to investors in Monopoly money. Investors are trying to look at the bright side by focusing on the fact that Monopoly money is now worth more than the U.S. dollar.
Finally, in more unusual news a pizza deliveryman fought off a gunman this week with the only weapon he had, a pizza. It was not just any pizza; it was a hot pepperoni pizza. Apparently, the scalding pizza was enough to stave off the gunman while the 40-year old delivery man ran to safety. In related news a Taco Bell cashier was able to injure a gunman who was trying to rob the store by convincing him to eat the new Volcano Crunchwrap Supreme. Now that’s thinking outside the bun!
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested this week on corruption charges. Specifically, Blagojevich was accused of trying to make a profit from President-Elect Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat. U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald has been following the Governor’s dealings for some time now, suspecting him of participating in fraud. His suspicions were confirmed in wire-taps of the Governor’s phone calls, where Blagojevich blatantly asked for money and favors in return for the Senate seat. If convicted Governor Blagojevich could face up to 30 years in prison, but the greater punishment will be 30 years without hairspray for his comb-over.
The pay for play scheme has outraged Illinois residents. Blagojevich continues in the footsteps of a long line of Illinois Governors that have been faced with corruption charges. In fact, he is the fourth consecutive Illinois Governor that has been accused. It is so bad that Illinois’ legislators have decided to make mug shots and fingerprints part of the inaugural ceremony.
The Illinois scandal has taken the spotlight away from what may be the largest investment fraud in U.S. history. Investment guru Bernie Madoff confessed to running a Ponzi scheme, with losses estimated over $50 billion. Although some are shaken by fraud, others said there were plenty of red flags that should have tipped off investors. Suspicious activity included paper statements, lack of auditing, and payouts to investors in Monopoly money. Investors are trying to look at the bright side by focusing on the fact that Monopoly money is now worth more than the U.S. dollar.
Finally, in more unusual news a pizza deliveryman fought off a gunman this week with the only weapon he had, a pizza. It was not just any pizza; it was a hot pepperoni pizza. Apparently, the scalding pizza was enough to stave off the gunman while the 40-year old delivery man ran to safety. In related news a Taco Bell cashier was able to injure a gunman who was trying to rob the store by convincing him to eat the new Volcano Crunchwrap Supreme. Now that’s thinking outside the bun!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-December 7, 2008
This week’s scoop-
This week on Meet The Press, President Elect Barack Obama warned that the economy is going to get much worse. The combination of job losses, problems in financial markets, and the weakening of the global economy all point to even more challenging times ahead and Mr. Obama wants Americans to brace themselves for the worst. To try and help ease the situation, President Elect Obama is looking at all options to help Americans feel better. Among ideas he is rumored to be considering are more tax cuts for the middle class, free ice cream cones once a week, and Xanax with every bank statement. Change is coming.
President Elect Obama also introduced his new national security team this week. With America fighting two wars, and the spread of terrorist activity such as what was seen in Mumbai, the announcement of this team was seen as being as important as the announcement of his economic team. Marine General Jim Jones will be the National Security Advisor, Robert Gates will stay on as Secretary of Defense, and not surprisingly Senator Hillary Clinton will be Secretary of State and White House ball breaker. Former President Bill Clinton reportedly will play a silent role offering up Xanax to those who meet with his wife. Change is coming.
The CEOs of three of the Nation’s automakers went before Congress again this week, to make a better case for a much needed bailout package. In contrast to the private jets that they traveled in on their last Washington trip, the auto execs traveled by hybrid car to make a better impression. The CEOs said they were willing to do anything necessary to convince Congressional officials that they need a bailout package to survive. Among the proposals offered were new negotiations with the UAW, pay cuts to $1 a year, and Xanax with every auto purchase. When President Bush was asked if he too would take a pay cut to show the American people that he knew how serious the economic problems were he said he would consider it next year, but was interested in the Xanax now. Change is coming.
The economy is so bad that a trendy New York boutique is trying to cash in on the tough times by offering complimentary soup and coffee to lure in shoppers. The shop is appropriately called 1929, and sells high-end fashion to New York’s elite. When customers were asked what they thought of the marketing ploy, they said it was ok but were more interested in the shop down the street called 2009. The store was rumored to be offering free soup, coffee, and Xanax to customers. Change is here.
This week on Meet The Press, President Elect Barack Obama warned that the economy is going to get much worse. The combination of job losses, problems in financial markets, and the weakening of the global economy all point to even more challenging times ahead and Mr. Obama wants Americans to brace themselves for the worst. To try and help ease the situation, President Elect Obama is looking at all options to help Americans feel better. Among ideas he is rumored to be considering are more tax cuts for the middle class, free ice cream cones once a week, and Xanax with every bank statement. Change is coming.
President Elect Obama also introduced his new national security team this week. With America fighting two wars, and the spread of terrorist activity such as what was seen in Mumbai, the announcement of this team was seen as being as important as the announcement of his economic team. Marine General Jim Jones will be the National Security Advisor, Robert Gates will stay on as Secretary of Defense, and not surprisingly Senator Hillary Clinton will be Secretary of State and White House ball breaker. Former President Bill Clinton reportedly will play a silent role offering up Xanax to those who meet with his wife. Change is coming.
The CEOs of three of the Nation’s automakers went before Congress again this week, to make a better case for a much needed bailout package. In contrast to the private jets that they traveled in on their last Washington trip, the auto execs traveled by hybrid car to make a better impression. The CEOs said they were willing to do anything necessary to convince Congressional officials that they need a bailout package to survive. Among the proposals offered were new negotiations with the UAW, pay cuts to $1 a year, and Xanax with every auto purchase. When President Bush was asked if he too would take a pay cut to show the American people that he knew how serious the economic problems were he said he would consider it next year, but was interested in the Xanax now. Change is coming.
The economy is so bad that a trendy New York boutique is trying to cash in on the tough times by offering complimentary soup and coffee to lure in shoppers. The shop is appropriately called 1929, and sells high-end fashion to New York’s elite. When customers were asked what they thought of the marketing ploy, they said it was ok but were more interested in the shop down the street called 2009. The store was rumored to be offering free soup, coffee, and Xanax to customers. Change is here.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-November 21, 2008
This week's scoop-
Detroit auto executives were the latest to line up in Washington for a handout. GM, Ford, and Chrysler sent their CEOs to make their pleas for a bailout to Congress. GM's Chairman said that without the bailout the company would face certain bankruptcy. When congressional officials asked the executives what guarantee they would have that the money would be spent wisely, in desperation the executives reportedly said that they would pinky swear that things would turn around.
Many taxpayers are outraged by the bailout talks for the automakers. In response to the outcry Congressional leaders are considering putting stipulations on the negotiated aid package. Among the rumored list of requirements would be decreased compensation for executives, negotiations with the UAW to bring down costs, and the mandate to make cars that don't suck. When the beleaguered executives were asked if these guidelines could be met, they said yes, they double pinky swear.
President Elect Barack Obama made a lot of progress in making top appointments to his cabinet. Among those chosen were Tom Daschle who was nominated to be Secretary of Health and Human Services, and Timothy Geithner was nominated to be Secretary of the Treasury. Meanwhile Alaska Governor Sarah Palin also made progress in her cabinet by filling it with $150,000 of Republican funded designer clothing.
In celebrity news, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have managed to get a quick divorce. Many expected the eight-year marriage to take months to come to amicable end. This week in a London courtroom, the couple was granted a divorce within minutes. Unfortunately for Guy Ritchie, this is true to form considering the divorce lasted as long as most of his movies do in theatres.
A Nebraska man left a more lasting impression on his "viewers". The man was arrested for leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of local buildings. Police caught the man dubbed the "butt bandit" in the act on Wednesday morning. He was called the "butt bandit" because he would leave imprints of his groin or butt on windows by first greasing them up with lotion or Vaseline. A local judge recommended that part of his punishment should be clean all of the town's windows…no ifs, ands, or butts.
Finally, officials in Amsterdam have reported that they may have to close as much as one fifth of the city's marijuana clubs because of their proximity to local high schools. Local leaders began to suspect there was a problem when they noticed a spike in potato chip and beef jerky sales in high school vending machines around the time the clubs would open. Asked if they were worried about a backlash among students, they said no and that students would have to find other ways to spend their time. Coincidentally, since talk of the ban began, lotion and Vaseline sales have been on the rise.
Detroit auto executives were the latest to line up in Washington for a handout. GM, Ford, and Chrysler sent their CEOs to make their pleas for a bailout to Congress. GM's Chairman said that without the bailout the company would face certain bankruptcy. When congressional officials asked the executives what guarantee they would have that the money would be spent wisely, in desperation the executives reportedly said that they would pinky swear that things would turn around.
Many taxpayers are outraged by the bailout talks for the automakers. In response to the outcry Congressional leaders are considering putting stipulations on the negotiated aid package. Among the rumored list of requirements would be decreased compensation for executives, negotiations with the UAW to bring down costs, and the mandate to make cars that don't suck. When the beleaguered executives were asked if these guidelines could be met, they said yes, they double pinky swear.
President Elect Barack Obama made a lot of progress in making top appointments to his cabinet. Among those chosen were Tom Daschle who was nominated to be Secretary of Health and Human Services, and Timothy Geithner was nominated to be Secretary of the Treasury. Meanwhile Alaska Governor Sarah Palin also made progress in her cabinet by filling it with $150,000 of Republican funded designer clothing.
In celebrity news, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have managed to get a quick divorce. Many expected the eight-year marriage to take months to come to amicable end. This week in a London courtroom, the couple was granted a divorce within minutes. Unfortunately for Guy Ritchie, this is true to form considering the divorce lasted as long as most of his movies do in theatres.
A Nebraska man left a more lasting impression on his "viewers". The man was arrested for leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of local buildings. Police caught the man dubbed the "butt bandit" in the act on Wednesday morning. He was called the "butt bandit" because he would leave imprints of his groin or butt on windows by first greasing them up with lotion or Vaseline. A local judge recommended that part of his punishment should be clean all of the town's windows…no ifs, ands, or butts.
Finally, officials in Amsterdam have reported that they may have to close as much as one fifth of the city's marijuana clubs because of their proximity to local high schools. Local leaders began to suspect there was a problem when they noticed a spike in potato chip and beef jerky sales in high school vending machines around the time the clubs would open. Asked if they were worried about a backlash among students, they said no and that students would have to find other ways to spend their time. Coincidentally, since talk of the ban began, lotion and Vaseline sales have been on the rise.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-November 15, 2008
For those of you who read it, I am trying out something new. I want to try to cover all types of headlines, not just celebrity gossip. Let me know what you think.
This week's scoop-
The economy was on everyone's mind this week as fears of a global financial crisis worsened. World leaders even met in Washington this weekend to try to work together to come up with solutions. Leaders are doing their best to cooperate and consider all options to ease people's fears. It is rumored that Governor Sarah Palin was trying to capitalize on the political aspect of the event by offering to donate her RNC purchased wardrobe to help out. She also told world leaders that they could save money by shopping at consignment stores like she does in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska.
Another prominent political figure was back in the headlines this week. It was leaked that Senator Hillary Clinton is on the short list of candidates for the Obama Administration's Secretary of State. When asked to comment, reportedly a Clinton spokeswomen said that if Senator Clinton is not chosen she will continue to fight for the position on behalf of her supporters, or until someone makes her stop.
President Bush still has a few months left in office, and it sounds like world leaders are taking the Bush approach to economic strategy. Most agree that the economic summit in Washington would be long on talk, but short on action. When the summit group failed to come up clear recession exit strategy, in the spirit of the Bush doctrine they announced to the press "Mission Accomplished".
Wall Street reflected the uncertainty that most people are feeling about the economy. Investors sent the Dow into another roller coaster week with erratic ups and downs. It was so bad that brokers were actually seen throwing up on the trading floor from motion sickness. Pepto and barf bags will be provided at each trading post next week.
In entertainment news, it was reported that the Dark Knight's box office pull may top 1 billion dollars! Only three other movies in Hollywood history have hit that mark. This just in…news from the global summit…allegedly Sarah Palin is offering to dress up like Batman to save the economy. What a Maverick!
This week's scoop-
The economy was on everyone's mind this week as fears of a global financial crisis worsened. World leaders even met in Washington this weekend to try to work together to come up with solutions. Leaders are doing their best to cooperate and consider all options to ease people's fears. It is rumored that Governor Sarah Palin was trying to capitalize on the political aspect of the event by offering to donate her RNC purchased wardrobe to help out. She also told world leaders that they could save money by shopping at consignment stores like she does in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska.
Another prominent political figure was back in the headlines this week. It was leaked that Senator Hillary Clinton is on the short list of candidates for the Obama Administration's Secretary of State. When asked to comment, reportedly a Clinton spokeswomen said that if Senator Clinton is not chosen she will continue to fight for the position on behalf of her supporters, or until someone makes her stop.
President Bush still has a few months left in office, and it sounds like world leaders are taking the Bush approach to economic strategy. Most agree that the economic summit in Washington would be long on talk, but short on action. When the summit group failed to come up clear recession exit strategy, in the spirit of the Bush doctrine they announced to the press "Mission Accomplished".
Wall Street reflected the uncertainty that most people are feeling about the economy. Investors sent the Dow into another roller coaster week with erratic ups and downs. It was so bad that brokers were actually seen throwing up on the trading floor from motion sickness. Pepto and barf bags will be provided at each trading post next week.
In entertainment news, it was reported that the Dark Knight's box office pull may top 1 billion dollars! Only three other movies in Hollywood history have hit that mark. This just in…news from the global summit…allegedly Sarah Palin is offering to dress up like Batman to save the economy. What a Maverick!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-November 2, 2008
Well everyone the wait is over. Britney Spears has revealed the name of her new album. The mother of two has matured considerably since her last release and decided to have that be reflected in the aptly titled Circus. With songs like "Womanizer" and "Leather and Lace" the album is destined to be a Kentwood, LA family favorite. Spears is rumored to be working on a holiday album titled Stripper Pole Christmas.
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Another teenage mom has raised some eyebrows lately. Ashlee Simpson is still pregnant. Why is this news, well its not really, but it was a slow week in Hollywood. In any case, Simpson has been pregnant for what seems like longer than 9 months. Her "husband" Pete Wentz is eagerly awaiting the baby's arrival. Wentz is reportedly looking forward to teaching his son everything he needs to know about baseball, flat ironing his hair, and putting on eyeliner.
Speaking of fights over eyeliner, two of the Girls Next Door are moving out. Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson have recently ended their relationship with Hugh Hefner and are quickly trying to cash in on the fame the show has brought them. The last girl remaining, Bridget Marquart, is rumored to be moving out as well. The E! Network will probably have to scrap plans for another season of The Girls Next Door. This just in…E! has announced that Hef will star in their new reality show called Dirty Old Man Next Door.
Finally, Keanu Reeves spent part of this week in an LA courtroom. The actor is being sued by a paparazzo for hitting him with his Porsche. The "victim" is asking for $711,974 to cover medical expenses and other punitive damages. Where did this guy find his attorney? I mean who asks for $711,974? Couldn't he have picked a nice round number like oh, a million dollars? This just in…Holly Madison is suing Hugh Hefner for $618,376 for unpaid "wages". Now that's a lot of Viagra!
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Another teenage mom has raised some eyebrows lately. Ashlee Simpson is still pregnant. Why is this news, well its not really, but it was a slow week in Hollywood. In any case, Simpson has been pregnant for what seems like longer than 9 months. Her "husband" Pete Wentz is eagerly awaiting the baby's arrival. Wentz is reportedly looking forward to teaching his son everything he needs to know about baseball, flat ironing his hair, and putting on eyeliner.
Speaking of fights over eyeliner, two of the Girls Next Door are moving out. Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson have recently ended their relationship with Hugh Hefner and are quickly trying to cash in on the fame the show has brought them. The last girl remaining, Bridget Marquart, is rumored to be moving out as well. The E! Network will probably have to scrap plans for another season of The Girls Next Door. This just in…E! has announced that Hef will star in their new reality show called Dirty Old Man Next Door.
Finally, Keanu Reeves spent part of this week in an LA courtroom. The actor is being sued by a paparazzo for hitting him with his Porsche. The "victim" is asking for $711,974 to cover medical expenses and other punitive damages. Where did this guy find his attorney? I mean who asks for $711,974? Couldn't he have picked a nice round number like oh, a million dollars? This just in…Holly Madison is suing Hugh Hefner for $618,376 for unpaid "wages". Now that's a lot of Viagra!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-August 17, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-On Hiatus
I have had such a great time writing my scoop this summer. Now it is time for a break. I hope to start posting again by mid September. There are some exciting changes coming so I hope you come back and check it out!
I have had such a great time writing my scoop this summer. Now it is time for a break. I hope to start posting again by mid September. There are some exciting changes coming so I hope you come back and check it out!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-August 10, 2008
After years of waiting, the Olympics are here in all their Asian glory. The Chinese government wants everything to be perfect for these Olympics going as far as hiring scientists to control the weather. WOW! Can you believe that. For those who have had a sneak peak into the opening ceremonies have said that no detail has been left out to bring China into the forefront of the western world. Forget about great fireworks, spectacular acrobatics, and a 40 billion dollar stadium if they don't have a drunk or stoned celebrity as part of the opening act, then the Chinese don't understand modern Western entertainment.
Speaking of Mathew McConaughey, I always suspected that he had a green thumb. I assumed it turned that way from all the pot he was smoking, but apparently he really is going to try his hand at gardening. It is rumored that the first thing that he is going to plant is his newborn son Levi's leftover placenta. Gross. I thought that was the most disgusting thing Mathew had done until I remembered Mathew's performance in the Wedding Planner.
I don't think we will find Clay Aiken planting his new son's placenta. Of course I think we are all surprised to hear that Clay Aiken is a father. Although I think none of us were surprised to hear that there was no sex involved in the conception of the aforementioned child. Oh Clay, come out of the closet already. What's the worst than could happen, I mean you have already been bitch slapped by Simon Cowell and have been forced to star in Spamalot.
Our other favorite gay American Idol celeb is in the news this week. That's right, Ryan Seacrest made entertainment headlines when it was announced that he will be co-hosting Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve until 2010. Great, like we need to see anymore of Ryan SeaMESS. I mean you can't turn on the TV, radio, or pick up a magazine with him there. If he pimps himself out anymore we will all have to wear a condom just to watch him.
Speaking of Mathew McConaughey, I always suspected that he had a green thumb. I assumed it turned that way from all the pot he was smoking, but apparently he really is going to try his hand at gardening. It is rumored that the first thing that he is going to plant is his newborn son Levi's leftover placenta. Gross. I thought that was the most disgusting thing Mathew had done until I remembered Mathew's performance in the Wedding Planner.
I don't think we will find Clay Aiken planting his new son's placenta. Of course I think we are all surprised to hear that Clay Aiken is a father. Although I think none of us were surprised to hear that there was no sex involved in the conception of the aforementioned child. Oh Clay, come out of the closet already. What's the worst than could happen, I mean you have already been bitch slapped by Simon Cowell and have been forced to star in Spamalot.
Our other favorite gay American Idol celeb is in the news this week. That's right, Ryan Seacrest made entertainment headlines when it was announced that he will be co-hosting Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve until 2010. Great, like we need to see anymore of Ryan SeaMESS. I mean you can't turn on the TV, radio, or pick up a magazine with him there. If he pimps himself out anymore we will all have to wear a condom just to watch him.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-August 3, 2008
It doesn't sound like the stunts in Transformers or Indiana Jones were enough to get Shia Lebouf's adrenaline going. This week Shia performed his own stunts be flipping his car over in an accident this weekend. How did was he able to pull this off you may ask, well apparently all it takes is some high testosterone levels, late night drinking, and a double dare from Harrison Ford. Shia, if I were you I would leave the stunts to the pros and work on coming up with a new name that doesn't sound like a vagina spray.
Hollywood power couples are churning out celeb babies faster than ever. Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell have announced that they too are having twins. What is going on with celebs that is causing them all to have babies en mass. Jlo & Mark, Brangelina, and Julia Roberts are among the celebs that have jumped onto the latest trend of multiple births. Now it has been rumored that Mathew McConaughey has decided that he wants to up the anty with his next offspring by announcing that he will impregnate both of his manfriends, Lance Armstrong and Owen Wilson, with triplets before the end of the summer. Now that's some powerful sperm!
It wouldn't be normal week on the scoop without our favorite tabloid all star Amy Winehouse. Apparently, Amy was rushed to the hospital this week. Her reps say it is because she had a bad reaction to some medication. Since when is crack called a medication? Hey Whitney Houston have you heard the news, crack isn't WHACK, crack is BACK!
Finally, celeb chef Rachael Ray is reported to be launching a new line of premium dog food. The dog food is rumored to be very pet friendly and made with ingredients like a special dog friendly EVOO. According to Ray it is Yum-O, Delish, and all those other stupid, annoying, made up adjectives she uses. Rachael, why would I need to buy your dog food when I can make it myself. I have all your cookbooks!
Hollywood power couples are churning out celeb babies faster than ever. Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell have announced that they too are having twins. What is going on with celebs that is causing them all to have babies en mass. Jlo & Mark, Brangelina, and Julia Roberts are among the celebs that have jumped onto the latest trend of multiple births. Now it has been rumored that Mathew McConaughey has decided that he wants to up the anty with his next offspring by announcing that he will impregnate both of his manfriends, Lance Armstrong and Owen Wilson, with triplets before the end of the summer. Now that's some powerful sperm!
It wouldn't be normal week on the scoop without our favorite tabloid all star Amy Winehouse. Apparently, Amy was rushed to the hospital this week. Her reps say it is because she had a bad reaction to some medication. Since when is crack called a medication? Hey Whitney Houston have you heard the news, crack isn't WHACK, crack is BACK!
Finally, celeb chef Rachael Ray is reported to be launching a new line of premium dog food. The dog food is rumored to be very pet friendly and made with ingredients like a special dog friendly EVOO. According to Ray it is Yum-O, Delish, and all those other stupid, annoying, made up adjectives she uses. Rachael, why would I need to buy your dog food when I can make it myself. I have all your cookbooks!
Friday, July 25, 2008
2 Minute Scoop-July 25, 2008
Holy box office blockbusters Batman! The Dark Knight blew away all expectations on it's opening weekend. While most movie goers stood in long lines and battled crowds to see this movie, I decided to check out the other action thriller of the weekend, Mamma Mia! Who needs great cinematography, heart-stopping stunts, and great special effects when you can have Meryl Streep and her manscaped costars battling wits through overplayed ABBA songs?! Coincidentally after reviewing Mamma Mia, Ebert & Roper decided to call it quits this week.
One of the stars of The Dark Knight, Christian Bale, was arrested this week on assault charges. The actor allegedly assaulted his 61 year old mom and his 40 year old sister. When his reps were asked if the allegations were true, they had no comment. Christian, you need to find some new PR people. Couldn't they have made something up like you were in a drug induced stouper or were pushed over the edge by having to hear Scarlett Johansen's new CD? If you are listening Amy Winehouse, someone else needs your PR people.
Tori Spelling is continuing her prolific writing streak with new plans for a book. The, Ahem, author is planning on writing a book about motherhood called Mommywood talking about the trials and tribulations she has faced as a mother. Poor Tori, it must be so hard to be a mother in Hollywood with only a handful of nannies, maids, and butlers to help you. Those mothers in Beverly Hills have it so much easier don't they. I know that there are a lot of people out there who may think that people like Tori should not be given book deals, but I say let her have it! Anything to distract her from doing any more reality shows.
Speaking of bad TV, Charlie Sheen has been listed as one of the highest paid actors on television for his role in Two and a Half Men. The actor is reportedly making $20 million a year for his work on the show. That will pay for a lot of hookers yo! Unfortunately his costar, John Cryer did not have agents that were as skilled at negotiating because the only perks they got for Duckie were a subscription to Netflix oh and Scarlett Johansen's new CD. Uh oh…..
One of the stars of The Dark Knight, Christian Bale, was arrested this week on assault charges. The actor allegedly assaulted his 61 year old mom and his 40 year old sister. When his reps were asked if the allegations were true, they had no comment. Christian, you need to find some new PR people. Couldn't they have made something up like you were in a drug induced stouper or were pushed over the edge by having to hear Scarlett Johansen's new CD? If you are listening Amy Winehouse, someone else needs your PR people.
Tori Spelling is continuing her prolific writing streak with new plans for a book. The, Ahem, author is planning on writing a book about motherhood called Mommywood talking about the trials and tribulations she has faced as a mother. Poor Tori, it must be so hard to be a mother in Hollywood with only a handful of nannies, maids, and butlers to help you. Those mothers in Beverly Hills have it so much easier don't they. I know that there are a lot of people out there who may think that people like Tori should not be given book deals, but I say let her have it! Anything to distract her from doing any more reality shows.
Speaking of bad TV, Charlie Sheen has been listed as one of the highest paid actors on television for his role in Two and a Half Men. The actor is reportedly making $20 million a year for his work on the show. That will pay for a lot of hookers yo! Unfortunately his costar, John Cryer did not have agents that were as skilled at negotiating because the only perks they got for Duckie were a subscription to Netflix oh and Scarlett Johansen's new CD. Uh oh…..
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